"Mario takes Sabbatical for Mental Health stating “Mamma Mia, I just-a can’t rescue the Princess again”

 In a groundbreaking announcement that has shocked the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario, the iconic Italian plumber and hero, has declared he’s taking a long-overdue mental health sabbatical. “It's-a not just-a Bowser anymore,” Mario confessed in an exclusive interview. “It’s-a the endless pipes, the repetitive ‘boop-boop-boop’ sounds, and the fact that I’ve had to eat-a so many mushrooms to cope. I’m-a just so tired.”

The decision comes after decades of what Mario’s therapist has labeled “hero fatigue syndrome,” compounded by recurring incidents with Princess Peach. “I mean, she’s been-a kidnapped by Bowser… how many times now? A thousand? Ten-a thousand?” Mario sighed, clutching a red Koopa shell like a stress ball. “She just-a keeps getting kidnapped and as soon as I-a rescue her, she gets-a kidnapped again. It’s-a bullS&@#!”

Luigi Responds with Shock and Support

Luigi admitted he was initially surprised by his brother's decision. “At first, I-a thought he was-a joking. Mario never takes-a break,” said Luigi, adjusting his green cap. “But then I-a thought about it, and I-a realized he’s been-a one-plumber army for too long. I'm-a thinking of filling in for him, but only if he-a promises to come back.”

Princess Peach Forms Self-Defense Classes

In light of Mario’s absence, Princess Peach has announced plans to open a “Kidnapping Defense” class for herself and other princesses. “I owe it to Mario after all the times he’s rescued me—and frankly, to myself,” she said. “Plus, it’s about time I learned some hand-to-hand combat.”

Although plans have been announced, the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom has yet to reveal who would be training her and the other potential princesses joining her in this new class leading to speculations that she may be leaning on Luigi to carry the duties of protecting and potentially rescuing her should she be kidnapped once again. 

Bowser Hires Therapist to Deal with 'Separation Anxiety'

In response, Bowser has reportedly sought counseling himself. “Without Mario constantly storming my castle, I’ve been feeling… incomplete,” Bowser admitted. “It’s weird not to be stomped on every other Tuesday.” Dr. Kamek, a licensed therapist for villains, confirmed that Bowser is “on a new journey of self-discovery.”

More from Bowser: “I thought that all I wanted was to kidnap the Princess, conquer the Mushroom Kingdom, and take over the world but when I go out with all my Goombas and Koopa Troopas and no one is there to oppose me, I just get this lonely feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.”

Behind the Scenes: Mario's New Lifestyle

Gardening & Cooking Therapy: Mario has taken up gardening as a therapeutic activity, growing non-mushroom plants for a change. “I’m-a cultivating tomatoes and-a basil now,” he beamed. “Turns out, I-a have-a more talents than just-a smashing bricks with my-a head.” He’s also signed up for a cooking class at the Toadstool Culinary Academy, learning to create dishes that don’t involve power-ups.

Yoga with Yoshi: Mario has enrolled in a relaxation program led by his longtime friend Yoshi, who has developed a “Dino-Yoga” class incorporating stretching, gentle breathing, and egg balance poses. “Mario’s doing great,” Yoshi said, adding that the meditation and mindfulness have been especially helpful. “Except he does struggle with not jumping on every Goomba that passes by.”

Community Reactions:

Meanwhile, Goombas have reported feeling “the happiest they have been in decades” without Mario around to stomp on them daily. “We’re living the best life right now! No one is stomping on us or shooting Koopa Troopa shells toward us. We hope Mario retires permanently so we can finally have a chance at living a full life.”

Mario’s Final Message:

Mario’s heartfelt message to his fans emphasized the importance of rest. “It’s-a-me, Mario,” he said, waving his iconic hat. “And-a-just remember, it’s-a-okay to say, ‘Mama Mia, I need a break!’


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